Staying In Control

31 Mar

From the moment Tom and I announced our engagement my parents have been so unbelieveably excited about our wedding, being the traditionalists that they are. Me and Tom had a very long friendship before getting together so from the day we officially got together as a couple it went without saying that we’d one day be married. Not long after us getting together did my dad start hinting that he’d love to be included in our engagement by Tom asking him for my hand in marriage. Not because my dad sees me as his property, more just that I’m his only baby girl and he’s always waited for the time to come where he can play the time-honoured  role of the father of the bride. He loves it! My mum and dad have also adopted the customary role of helping us pay for our wedding and we are extremely grateful for this, we cannot thank them enough. After all, if it wasn’t for my mum and dad’s help there would be no wedding!


So, since starting to plan our wedding my mum and dad have been involved every step of the way. I love that they want to help, offer ideas and be so committed to making our day as special as possible – being very close to my parents I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Tom and my dad have taken a laid back approach to our wedding, as men do! They are there if needed them for anything but them both being forthcoming with ideas is like extracting teeth but I can imagine this is the same for lots us bride to bes and the men in their lives!

My mum however has been extremely pro-active and on the front-line (so to speak) of our wedding planning. We have decided to go fully DIY, no wedding planner but lots of help from suppliers with invitations, favours, etc. So as you can imagine as well as working full time this wedding planning malarkey is very time consuming! I wouldn’t be where I am now without the help of my mum however I have had felt the need to say more than a couple of times “who’s wedding is this?” which left me thinking OH MY WORD I’M TURNING INTO A BRIDEZILLA.

I have felt in an extremely uncomfortable position quite a few times. I have not wanted to say “this is OUR day” as my parents are paying for it so in actual fact, if they wanted to they could always come back with  “if you don’t do it our way we don’t want to help you.” My parents would never ever do that in a million years but that scenario is always in the back of my mind. After seeking the advice of a fab lady a few weeks ago (who I won’t mention on here but she knows who she is) I came to the conclusion that standing my ground on having what WE want, not what my mum wants, is the right thing to do.  A few weeks ago I felt like I was slowly losing control of our wedding planning and I was just bowing down to what my mum wanted. I remember reminding my mum that she’d already had her wedding and it was our turn – pass on that baton! Thanks to my anonymous saviour I was able to come up with a few jobs that my mum can do which allow me to stay in control but also put my mum’s amazing “mum on a mission” planning skills into action.

So my fellow brides to be, if you are in a position where you feel like you are losing control of your big day here are a few suggetions to help you get back on track – that will put you back in control and also help to make your mum (or the offender) feel very involved:

1. Pick out fabrics in your chosen colour scheme to make bunting, table runners, etc. Anything that she can make ask her to do it.

2. Make confetti cones and find a lovely vintagey basket (or anything to fit the style of your wedding) to put them in for the big day.

3. Put her in charge of sourcing something for your guests to leave your cards in. 

4. Ask her to make a collage or timeline of photos from when you were a baby right up to your wedding day. Your mum would be the best person to do this as she’s the one who’s likely to have access to those sort of photos.

5. As well as sourcing the card box she could also find your guest book or make an alternative.

6. If you are thinking of having a dressing up box for fab funny photos of your guests your mum could be in charge of getting all things great for this.

So I hope my suggestions help in your quest for regaining control of your day. It’s a cliche but you really do have to remember it’s your day!

Laura x


2 Responses to “Staying In Control”

  1. blondeviki April 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm #

    Great post!

    My mum started taking over from day 1!! She didn’t even allow me to tell her we were engaged, because dad had told her Paul had asked his permission so by the time I called to tell her, she just blurted out congratulations in her excitement!! Good job he hadn’t got cold feet…

    Having a list of things for her to do is a really good idea – I will have to find enough to keep her occupied though, as whenever I make any concessions to her, she takes it as a green light to take control of other things grrr. I know she means well, bless her, but you’re right – sometimes you feel people forget its your day and it has to be how you want it.

    I hope you have been able to even things out with your mum too 🙂

    • BonfireNightBride April 4, 2011 at 8:22 pm #

      Everything is better now after having a chat about how I was feeling. Think it’s just the mother of the bride instinct that takes over without them realising!

      Thanks for the comment hun. As much of a horrid situtation it is to be in it’s kind of nice to know there are people in the same boat! Like you say, mums mean well but think the idea that it’s not their day but yours escapes their mind sometimes. Hope your planning is all coming together x

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